And Worthless.

God was bored by him.

• Being attacked by him is like being savaged by a dead sheep.
• Debating against him is no fun, say something insulting and he looks at you like a whipped dog.
• Failure has gone to his head.
• Greater love hath no man than this, to lay down his friends for life.
• He could never see a belt without hitting below it.
• He had delusions of adequacy.
• He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

• He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul.
• He is a fine friend. He stabs you in the front.
• He is a man of splendid abilities but utterly corrupt. He shines and stinks like rotten mackerel by moonlight.

Two faced..

The trouble with him is that he lacks the power of conversation, but not the power of speech.

• There but for the grace of God, goes God.
• There goes the famous good time that was had by all.
• Where others have hearts, he carries a tumor of rotten principles.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

• Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.
• Be careful when reading health books; you may die of a misprint.
• Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee later than others.
• Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
• That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
• The greatest thing since they reinvented unsliced bread.
• Time wounds all heels.
• She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers.
• She's been on more laps than a napkin.
• She's got such a narrow mind, when she walks fast her earrings bang together.
• She's so pure; Moses couldn't even part her knees.
• He's the kind of man who climbed the ladder of success; wrong by wrong.
• He's the kind of man who lives for others - you can tell the other by their hunted expression.
• So boring you fall asleep halfway through his name.
• He never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of his conversation.
• He was never really charming until he died.
• She not only expects the worst, but makes the worst of it when it happens.
• You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
• He proceeds to dip his little fountain-pen filler into pots of oily venom and to squirt the mixture at all his friends.
• He should get a divorce and settle down.
• He was the kind of guy who would eat all your cashews and leave you with nothing but peanuts and filberts.
• Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.
• Ordinarily he is insane. But he has lucid moments when he is only stupid.
• He could carry off anything; and some people said that he did.
• Who are you going to believe? Him or your own eyes?
• He has been kissed as often as a police-court bible, and by much the same class of people.
• He is such a good friend that he would throw his aquaintances in the water for the pleasure of fishing them out again.
• He tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake.
• He's so snobbish he has an unlisted zip-code.
• He's the kind of man who picks his friends - to pieces.
• He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.
• He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

I will always love the false image I had of you.

• Do you think I could buy back my introduction from you?
• I'd call him sadistic, hippophilic necrophillic, but that would be beating a dead horse.
• In order to avoid being called a flirt, he always yielded easily.
• He was one of the nicest old ladies I had ever met.
• He was one of those men who possessed almost every gift, except the gift of the power to use them.
• He was so crooked; you could have used his spine for a safety pin.
• He was so narrow minded that he could see through a key-hole with both of his eyes.
• He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin, it would blind him in both eyes.

He was trying to save both of his faces.

• He would stab his best friend for the sake of writing an epigram on his tombstone.
• A dork is a dork is a dork.

You are a penny.

• We've been through so much together, and most of it was your fault.
• Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
• Well, I think we oughta let him hang there. Let him twist slowly, slowly in the wind.
• What you said hurt me very much. I cried all the way to the bank.

Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?

• You're a parasite for sore eyes.
• Some people stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.
• Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

• The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.
• I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like you as members.
• There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
• I'll bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at the stork.
• I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
• You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.
• I've just learnt about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
• If you ever become a father, can I have one of the puppies?
• In her single person she managed to produce the effect of a majority.
• I've had them both, and I don't think much of either.
• Pushing forty? She's hanging on for dear life.
• I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
• He married your mother because he wanted children; imagine his dissapointment when you came along.

I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.

• I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
• I never liked him and I always will.
• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
• I regard you with an indifference bordering on aversion.
• I thought men like you shot themselves.
• Remember men, we are fighting for this man's honor; which is probably more than he ever did.

He hasn't an enemy in the world - but all his friends hate him.

• He looked as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.
• He's completely unspoiled by failure.
• He's liked, but he's not well liked.
• His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
• I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest.
• I could never learn to like him, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

• Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.
• Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.
• From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
• Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other.
• You had to stand in line to hate him.
• You have a good and kind soul. It just doesn't match the rest of you.
• You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of him and he'll disappear.
• You're a mouse studying to be a rat.
• Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
• You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin.
• Your idea of fidelity is not having more than one girl in the bed at the same time.

The perfection of rottenness.