You are a penny.

• We've been through so much together, and most of it was your fault.
• Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
• Well, I think we oughta let him hang there. Let him twist slowly, slowly in the wind.
• What you said hurt me very much. I cried all the way to the bank.

Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?

• You're a parasite for sore eyes.
• Some people stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.
• Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

• The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.
• I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like you as members.
• There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
• I'll bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at the stork.
• I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
• You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.
• I've just learnt about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
• If you ever become a father, can I have one of the puppies?
• In her single person she managed to produce the effect of a majority.
• I've had them both, and I don't think much of either.
• Pushing forty? She's hanging on for dear life.
• I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
• He married your mother because he wanted children; imagine his dissapointment when you came along.

I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.

• I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
• I never liked him and I always will.
• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
• I regard you with an indifference bordering on aversion.
• I thought men like you shot themselves.
• Remember men, we are fighting for this man's honor; which is probably more than he ever did.

He hasn't an enemy in the world - but all his friends hate him.

• He looked as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.
• He's completely unspoiled by failure.
• He's liked, but he's not well liked.
• His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
• I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest.
• I could never learn to like him, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

• Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.
• Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.
• From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
• Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other.
• You had to stand in line to hate him.
• You have a good and kind soul. It just doesn't match the rest of you.
• You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of him and he'll disappear.
• You're a mouse studying to be a rat.
• Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
• You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin.
• Your idea of fidelity is not having more than one girl in the bed at the same time.

The perfection of rottenness.